“Here I Am”

A Poem by Lenell Allen

Here I am,
I am a bleeding heart,
I am open arms,
I am home to those who stay,
I do not know how to be anything more than this,
I wish I could be as cold as winter,
I wish I was rough,
Calluses covering my fingers from squeezing the love out of those who only take,
I am a giver,
I do not take
unless taken from,
and even then I still
apologize.
I do not know how to be anything more than this,
A lover,
I wish I could snatch,
taking away the love that I know only pours from me;
Though my ways may seem unconventional
My soul, It does not lie.
Here I am
open and honest
not perfect
but still growing
Healing
A bruised heart;
If only
I knew how to be more than I am:
Real.
I am full of love,
I am empty from love,
Or I am neither
there is no in-between,
I am as real
as the beating heart in my chest,
The blood flowing through my veins,
The air in my lungs,
or I am nothing,
I wish I knew how I could be more than this,
Without being too much
or too little,
Treat me as if I exist
before I become nothing;